Unconvincing Truth?

You can't force people to believe the truth, most especially if they just don't wanna believe it. Hayzz. Ganun talaga eh, wala naman talaga tayong magagawa sa mga sariling utak ng mga tao sa paligid natin kung hindi intindihin na lang sila, meron lang talagang mga taong sarado at matigas ang makikitid na utak. Pero hindi rin naman lahat sa kanila nakakainis, yung iba lang. Yung iba naman kasi, may rason naman at tamang pinaghuhugutan kaya mahirap mapaniwala sa katotohanan.

Example ng hindi nakakainis, eto. Hindi ko na lang sasabihin yung pangalan nung isa kasi baka kahit wala namang dapat ikapraning yung girl friend nya, mapraning pa rin. Heheh. Nung isang gabi, sa tapat ng office namin, habang hinihintay namin ni ***** yung mga ibang kasama namin uuwi nakita kami nila Miss Kat at Sir Mike habang nasa parking lot sila at hinihintay lumabas ang ibang seniors. Tulad ng dati, inasar na namin kami ni Miss Kat. Heheh. May date na naman daw kami ni *****, tapos nung sinabi naming wala ang sagot ni Miss Kat sa amin, "Kaya kayo naiissue eh, lagi kayong magkasama." Heheh. Isa si Miss Kat sa mga love kong seniors sa office namin, tanggap ko yung mga biro niyang ganun sa amin ni *****. Heheh. Hindi naman ako nainis o kung ano pa man dahil dun sa nangyari na yun sa parking lot, sanay na rin naman ako, pero naisip ko lang, hindi talaga lahat ng bagay madaling ipapaniwala sa ibang tao.

Alam naming pareho ni ***** na wala naman talagang dapat i-issue sa aming dalawa. Sa totoo lang, sanay na rin naman talaga kami na iniisip ng mga ibang tao sa office na merong something sa aming dalawa. Oo, meron nga, pero hindi tulad ng iniisip nila. Meron kaming magandang relasyon bilang magkuya. Mahirap paniwalaan para sa iba na ang isang babae at lalaki na super close sa isa't isa ay walang romantic something, pero wala naman talaga yung sa amin. Nakakatuwa pa nga isipin, na kahit kadalasan ang bonding naming dalawa ay labasan ng emoness tungkol sa kanya-kanya naming karelasyon, recently lang eh gumaganda na yung takbo ng kanya-kanya naming relationships. Pareho na rin kami ng lagay ngayon at ng favorite line, "eh, mahal ko, eh." Hahahah. Sabi nga niya recently lang habang nagkekwentuhan kami tungkol sa problema ko, "magkuya nga tayo." Hahahah.

Actually, hindi ko naman talaga ako nagpost ng ganito ngayon para mag-clear out ng mga issue tungkol sa amin. Naisip ko lang na magandang example kasi iyon para dun sa naisip kong topic para sa post na ito na katotohanang mahirap ipilit sa iba na paniwalaan. Tsaka hindi lang din naman kasi ung incident sa parking lot last Friday yung nagtrigger sa akin na magsulat ngayon ng tungkol sa pagpapaniwala sa mga tao ng katotohanan. Meron pa.

Nung mga nakaraang araw kasi meron isang tao na may isang bagay na pinagpipilitan. Paulit-ulit niya sinasabi ang isang bagay. Nakakatawa dahil ang layo naman sa katotohanan ng mga sinasabi niya tungkol sa akin, at produkto lang ng pag-aassume niyang ewan pero kung makapagsalita siya parang alam na alam niya, pero hindi naman talaga. Ayaw ko na rin mageffort na sabihin pa sa kaniya na mali yung sinasabi niyang yung tungkol sa akin, mukang wala namang pagasang maniwala yun at baka kung ano na namang maisip niyang panggugulo. Hayzz. Ayaw ko na lang magbigay ng iba pang details. Heheh. Ang mahalaga, alam ko at nung isa pang taong involve na hindi naman talaga tama yung sinasabi nung taong yun, bahala na siya basta kami masaya na kami ulit. Heheh.

Thursday Update

Oh well. As expected. Thursday plans where all a drawing. Confirmation came a few minutes after I had posted the previous blog entry. Harhar. AJ said he was given a new schedule for Friday and his shift is now 8PM of Friday until 5AM of Saturday. He said it was both bad and good news. He said, bad because we won't be seeing Thursday on Friday, but good because it means we'll be going to Cam Sur to watch them. Sounds convincing, huh? But actually, that's just bad and worst news. Heheh.

Going to Cam Sur is, like, only a 90/10 chance in favor of the neg. How the hell would we convince my mom to let us come to Cam Sur in such short notice? And knowing that the easier way to see Thursday live, which is to attend the Makati leg of their tour, is confirmed impossible, that's a big, big GRRR.

I wish AJ never told me about Thursday going to Manila. I think there's no way for me to know about it, anyway. Harhar. It would be a little less mournful for me to know that they came and I wasn't able to see them because I learned about it late and there were really no means for me to go, than know in advance that they're coming and I wasn't able to catch them. Huhuhuh. Anyhoo. I think not expecting too much helped, too, heheh, just like in any other things. Harhar. But still GRRR. I really wanted to see them. Harhar.

I'll Watch Thursday in Cam Sur!!! Drawing?

(May 29, 2008 1:39PM)

Plans, plans, plans. Grrr. I had a long list of outings a few months ago, all were stuck at the drawing board already faded and reduced to a blank canvas except for two; the one with Pampers in Antipolo, and the upcoming company outing. Harhar.

Anyways. I’m so effin excited because one of my most loved foreign bands, Thursday, are coming to play here in the Philippines tomorrow in Makati and in Camarines Sur the next day. Grrr. They’ll be playing at Camarines Watersports Complex, where that cable skiing thingy is. Harhar. Grrr. I really wanna see them play live and see their yummyness in flesh. Hahahah. Although tickets are only priced at 1000, I had not set my mind that I’m a hundred percent sure that I’ll get to see them because, grrr, you know how my mom can ruin everything in a snap of her finger, plus the fact that AJ is now working as a callboy in Convergys. I don’t wanna be disappointed again. Harhar.

A few days back, AJ told me that I can ask my mom permission already because he’s sure that his schedule for that day will allow us to watch Thursday on Friday. But I told him that he should check on the tickets first. And now that he had already confirmed that tickets are still available, yehey! Yehey! The only thing to worry about now is my mom.. Grrr..

AJ and I were drawing last night about watching Thursday at the Kaogma Festival in Camarines Sur. I made it into a beautiful painting earlier today. Harhar. I checked out room rates of Camarines Watersports Complex and checked out bus fare and trip schedule to Camarines. Compute, compute, compute. If we will watch Thursday there, we would spend roughly about 7000 pesos for the two of us already. So that’s like 3,500 each. Harhar. That included 2 nights at CWS already. But now, just now, I figured we would only be staying there for one night. If we would take the 8PM trip from Cubao to Naga tomorrow, we’ll be in Naga early in the morning. Harhar. So maybe we’ll just be spending more or less 5000 pesos only, heheh.

Anyhoo. Enough of this already. That’s just DRAWINGS. Most probably we’ll be watching Thursday this Friday in Makati. Hindi na ako aasa sa Cam Sur! Harhar. Basta, all I want is to see Thursday. Harhar.

Open Letter to Them All

I just hope this would be the last that there would be for this chapter of all of our lives.

To Her

You know, I really pity you for having to live a life like that. You try so hard not to let people know how your life is really full of bitterness by exerting too much effort on making people think that you’re too confident and too strong. By overdoing it, hindi mo alam masnahahalata tuloy na puno talaga ng bitterness yung buhay mo at pinipilit mo lang takpan. So sad. Naaawa ako sayo dahil nagsesettle ka na sa ganyang klaseng buhay. You’re still young. You can still learn how to take life simply and without fear of being hurt again, or whatever bad things that have happened to you in the past that might have scarred you. Or maybe you fear that people might think you are weak. Being weak some times is only human. Breathe, girl. You don’t wanna die without feeling the real essence of living. You may be enjoying life now with how you’re currently living it, but think. At the end of the day, is there anything or someone left with you? You don’t wanna be alone, do you?

To Him

You know I was hurt. The lies and all, I was really hurt. But admitting your mistakes means a lot to me. I know it took a lot from you to confess everything, especially that ultimate mistake that you did. Alam ko ang daming nagsasabi na sana hindi mo na lang inamin para wala ng gulo, but you still chose to tell me the truth. I give you credit for your courage and for that I knew you still care for the relationship. I knew what I had to do is to forgive, and that’s what I did despite being so much hurt, because my love for you is enough to make me believe that there is still hope in fixing everything. I just wish you really are sincere when you said you are really sorry for all the mistakes that you had and when you promise, too, that you will never make me feel this pain ever again. I don’t wanna be disappointed and so depressed like this again in the future, that is why I will not expect anymore from you. Just do what you have to do. You know how difficult it is for me to give you another chance. I wish you will treasure it this time.

To My Friends

A thousand thank you’s to all of you who stood by me for the past few days that I was struggling to keep my self together. I know it would be difficult for most of you to understand why I decided to give him another chance. I would like to borrow Vinny’s line for this. “Mahal ko kasi, eh.” Sorry na, guys. I know in time you’ll see that my decision was right, but if not… Papayag naman ako magpabatok, magpasampal, lahat na… I love you guys. Thanks again.

To His So-called “Friends” At the Office

Honestly, I really don’t like most of your ways and stuff. Most especially, dahil hinahayaan niyo lang na gumawa ng maling desisyon yung mga tinatawag niyong kaibigan. When you get to play, know who are the people na isasali niyo. Tsaka, alam niyong may girlfriend yung tao, hinahayaan niyo lang, alam niyo na ngang mali na yung mga nagiging desisyon. Or baka naman mga self-proclaimed bad influences na kayo kaya ganun. I know everything is still a choice of an individual, but if you want to ruin your lives, don’t influence others to do the same. I want you to know that this is the impression that you had given me, just prove me wrong if I am. And I certainly hope you will.

Thanks to You, I Really Am A Green-Eyed Monster

I just can't believe that effin maid talks as if the trust issues AJ and I are having has nothing to do with her. Grrr. And she even had the guts to say she's sick of my child play? WTF? So I'm the one who's bugging her? I know I may be labeled cold hearted or whatever, but I'm not afraid of losing AJ AGAIN, as opposed to what she says is the reason why I am putting up with her. Grrr. And I'm not saying this just because I'm enraged again, but I really do, because I know I don't have to be a slut just to be with someone. And I really pity AJ for having to lose me again just because of someone who says she's just over confident when what she really is is a slutty bitch whose existence will never be noticed if she didn't act like one. Grrr.

My Blogspot's Got A New Look, Harhar

Nyahahah. I wanted a new look for my Blogspot account for ages already, but I just can’t find the right layout anywhere in the world wide web. Yeah, yeah. I know I should’ve just made myself one but, darn it, you know how lazy I am to do so. And yet another yeah, yeah. I know this current layout looks so effin kikay for me, but so what? Harhar! I like it. Even though it doesn't even suit my blog title, I still llike it. Harhar! Anyhoo. If miracles happen again and sloth rests somewhere else than me I would be editing this template’s images to make it a little less kikay. Heheh. Actually, I kinda feel like doing it now, but I haven’t eaten dinner yet and it’s already 8 PM. I hope sloth won’t find its way back to me after I eat my dinner. Harhar.

Anyhoo. I finally learned how to change the time and date that will appear on the entry posted here at Blogspot. Grrr. I think later I would edit the dates of the blog entries I copy-pasted here from my blogs.rakista account. Grrr. I really wish posting ib Blogspot gets unblocked at the office. Grrr.

Finally, Harhar

A few days back, my mom is reminding me again of taking back home the Philips SBC HP250 Headphones I’m currently using in the office. It was my dad’s, actually, but he just lets cobwebs and dusts grow empires on it. My mom said I should return it to my dad already because it annoys her when my dad is watching tely late at night and she can’t sleep. Every time she reminds me of it, I kept saying, “Yes, yes, I will,” but deep inside I’m thinking, “You just want your empire of cobwebs and dust back.” I didn’t tell her about the headphones everyone in the office gets whenever they are regularized. I kept telling her I’ll bring the old Philips back to where it slumbers unused when I bought a new one already.

I had been regularized just last week, the day after my birthday, but my sulking about my headset was on for more than a month already. That’s because my batch mates from the other department received theirs so, so early and I didn’t. But a few days after I became regular, our product manager told me that the headphones that were in her cube was mine, but we have to wait for our big boss to give it to me. I wish she hadn’t told me that because, a few days since then, knowing that the much awaited headset is just there yet not in your hands isn’t a happy thought. Harhar. Anyhoo. I got it already but I'm still not using it currently. It's just sitting on my cube, still boxed. Harhar. Having my SBC HP250 upgraded to SBC HN110, I’m so happy. It kinda lessened the gloomy mood I had because of AJ and his maid slut, but it’s still not enough for me to feel like talking to him yet. It just lessened my want to burn the slut alive. Now I want her burned dead. Harhar.

The Effin Bisayang Maid Who Has a "Fuck Me, PLEASE, I Beg You" Placard

I was supposed to have lunch out of the office today with AJ as originally planned days ago, but something grrr came up and now it won’t happen. Actually, I was expecting it to still push through although I’m not talking to AJ since yesterday because of that grrr thing because I thought AJ would think that it might be a good way to make up for what he did that made me really angry again. I texted him earlier to ask if we will still have lunch today, because if not, I would cancel the food I had ordered and I only got until around 10:30 to do so. That was around 10:10 when I texted him, he replied at 10:26 saying he wasn’t expecting it to still push through that’s why he woke up later than he should if he would still come. Grrr. Totally disappointing. It just made me doesn’t wanna text him even more.

About that grrr thing, that effin slut who totally looks like a bisayang maid who he flirts with in the office got into my nerves again yesterday. What made my blood boil is the fact that a few nights ago, AJ said he has stopped talking to her already and, the juiciest part, he said he is not keeping any more secrets from me no matter how small they are, yet the alibi he used on me yesterday was telling me he thought that that small info about the effin maid slut sending him a picture of a man’s abs following a message, “as promised.. :P” is better kept secret. No more secrets, huh?

But, anyhoo, being enraged again by the effin maid who has a “fuck me, PLEASE, I beg you” placard gave me my much awaited, long overdue, idea for a new Corel project. You can check it out at the link below but I would be improving it hopefully later today and upload it at my real deviantart account, but I think by the time you had read this, it might be updated already is posted where it should be.

Dead Effin Bisayang Maid Slut

Main DeviantArt Account

My Emo Boys

I dunno why but some of my friends are sharing their emo stories with me all of a sudden. Is it because of my new emo-kid look, as these two guys always say, that attracts emoness? Harhar. Ooops! That’s totally a giveaway clue there. Anyhoo. I know I am not at all supposed to share what they shared with me to anyone, but I just can’t help it. I just feel the need to let it out, but because I shouldn’t tell anyone from the office about it, I’ll just write it here. Harhar. That’s just worst. And yeah, I know I’m so evil, continuing. Har har. Well, I’ll just TRY not to give too much detail. Grr.

Boy Loves Girl

Lately, he’s always emo because of his girl friend’s inconsistent thoughts. He would always tell me how tired he is for complying with everything his girl wants but then, when he does, he still gets rants. And those rants were suggesting him to do again what he was asked not to do. And what’s worst, she’s doing things she should know would lead to those things she doesn’t want, yet all the blame is still given to him. Grrr. I know how much he loves her, and I see all his efforts just to make their relationship work despite of the fact that he’s already at the point of his life were he’s pulling everything together while his girl friend is at the peak of exploring, enjoying and learning. I don’t have anything against her. I know she’s still young and there are still things she has to learn. With all the patience he had given, and is still giving, I just think he deserves a little more attention and more trust. For two months, he has given way too much than other guys have given within years and does not need to be further tested.

I told AJ about his emoness, including the recent issue he shared with me about trust and exes. AJ said, “I know how he feels, really, I’ve been there. Hahaha. Maybe he shouldn’t be asking you for advice, it would be more appropriate for him to talk to me.” Harhar. Yeah, right. I think so, too. I really do. Har har. If you, boy, happens to read this, just ask me for AJ’s number. LOL!

Girl Loves Boy to Boyfriend

He’s one of the few people who wanted me to work out my relationship with AJ during our “Dark Ages,” as AJ terms it. That is why, although he doesn’t look like someone who would share emoness, I was not surprised when he all of a sudden opened up about his girl. They have something for more than a year now and about a month ago, she asked him why aren’t they still in a commitment. A real commitment, that is. I know nothing about her except her name, her school, what she looks like, and how she is related to him. For the few months that I have been friends with him, I know he’s the type who you cannot expect any commitment from. He just loves to mingle. I was kinda expecting that scenario already, and I can say I had somewhat predicted how he would react to it. He said he agreed on being in a real relationship although his mind was still cloudy about it but he really prefers not to be because he doesn’t want to be restrained from doing what he does. After what happened, although he didn’t say why, he said they started being cold to each other, and earlier today he told me that they broke up already. I think that’s how it should be for them. She really should not expect much from him, especially on matters regarding commitment. She just won't get anything.

Blogspot. Evil Plan. Birthday. Effin Biatch!

Three weeks’ worth of blogging all packed in just one post. Harhar.

Bye, Bye, Blogspot

Blogspot is now blocked AGAIN in the office. Well, we can read entries but you can’t sign in to post a new one. Grrr. There were some issues about our seniors’ blogging which led to blocking the site again for posting. So, yeah, I’m back at blogging at blogs.rakista.com/parapampam and copy-pasting entries to my friendster and Blogspot accounts when the miracle of patience in waiting happens to me when I’m at home. Grrr. I never really felt how slow my laptop is until my office PC got upgraded and got blessed with a Quad Core processor. I’m the only Junior Developer in the office with a Quad Core machine, so keewwl.

From Tagaytay Evil Plan to AJ’s Very First EK Experience

Since Monday last week, Ykai, Ceejhay and I were joyously planning for the long overdue “evil plan” that we thought of pulling off at last week’s Thursday, which is a holiday. In our minds, we all thought, “this is it!” but then, on the night before the plans execution, BOOM! Problems came up and then, yeah, you might have guessed it already. Evil planned postponed again indefinitely. Then I told AJ that we should just visit Enchanted Kingdom instead. I was just kidding, but AJ became so enthusiastic about what I said because he said he’s never been there so, I thought, what the heck? It’s been so long since I last went there and I want to go there again. Harhar. We took the shuttle in Ayala to Enchanted, which is already included in the Pasyal Pinoy Package worth 765Php, which includes roundtrip shuttle passes from Ayala to EK and back, plus the EK Day Pass. Damn, I wanna go karting and ATV-ing again. Harhar. The weather was so, so great. Not sunny, yet it’s not raining, just right. Harhar. What a great pre-birthday celebration for me, heheh. Although the fireworks were really lame, or maybe I'm just used to seeing that kind of fireworks display every now and then at our house's rooftop, and the 2-hour, or more, of fireworks display every New Year's Eve.

I’m 21, Yehey!

Yup, I’m now at the more legal age than 18, and yeah, I’m still my mom’s baby. Grrr. Nothing’s changed since grade school, I’m still not allowed to drink, and still not allowed to be out late, still not allowed to go to gigs and finish it, GRRRR! Well, I guess moving out will still, and always be, my only SALVATION. Anyways, ugly thoughts behind, my birthday was great. Being also the anniversary of Paw’s breadknife incident, it is also the anniversary of my first date with AJ. Woot! Harhar. So I asked permission in the office to work half day on my birthday, having used that family affair excuse, I got to watch Iron Man with AJ in the morning. He has work at 3PM and I, too, at 2PM, that is why we watched the earliest show time. Harhar. I bought 3 1.3 liters of different flavored ice creams at the office, because I can’t escape tradition. Aheheh. GYC gave me a really cute bean-stuffed black-eyed dog from It’s Cool and a bendable doll which, they say, looks like me. Harhar.

The Three Weeks’ Highlight

My patience was put to test starting on the first of these three weeks, when I saw something that really got me holding myself back from smashing whatever’s smashable. Grrr. I really hate effin bitches that would do anything it takes just to get someone to fuck them. I don’t wanna elaborate on this much because I’m currently struggling to keep myself from being enraged again. Just the thought of that bitch makes me wanna hit something. Grr. I wish I could put into writing all the thoughts running in my head right now about that bitch and how she caused trust issues I now had with AJ. Grrr. Just grrr.