But Wait! There's More!

Wooooooot! =P Anyhoo. Since I use proxy to open Friendster in the office, and for some reasons proxies don't make me publish posts here in this blog, saving it as drafts instead, blog updates are always at my other blog.

As you all know, I'm a devotee of sloth and copy-pasting from that to my Friendster and Blogspot blogs defies that. So there, since you're not as a sloth as me, just go click the link above or, if it didn't work, go figure out for yourself a way to get there. Nyahah.

Anyhoo, I copy-pasted 4 entries here before posting this. I'm not sure if by the time you read this, copy-pasted entries from there here are up to date. Woot! Harhar!

Respecting Other People's Preferences

Shanky called me up yesterday to update me on his job hunting eklavoos. He said Lean called him yesterday and told him about Eckelz wanting to resign from his current job. Shanky said, "Grabe naman! Ang swerte swerte na niya sa work niya. Network Admin Assistant??? Ang ganda ganda ng ng pwesto niya, gusto pa niya umalis dun?" He was like, if Eckelz is right in front of him he could have given him a malupit na batok. Sabi pa niya, "Yun yung pinapangarap kong trabaho. Nakakainis naman si Eckelz, ayaw pa niya dun." And then I asked him how much is Eckelz compensation, he said Eckelz gets about 12K a month, and then Shanky kept on saying, "Kung ako yun ayos na sa akin yung ganung sweldo basta gusto ko yung trabaho ko. Nakakainis talaga si Eckelz!" Then he noticed that I'm kinda quiet while he was ranting his ass out about it. He then asked me, "Ikaw? Ayaw mo ba ng ganung trabaho?" and I answered him no. "Hindi naman dahil maganda yung trabaho na yun para sayo maganda na rin yun para sa iba. Parang ikaw, gusto mo networking stuff, ako ayoko ng networking kasi alam ko masmageexcel ako sa programming, pero ikaw ayaw mo rin ng programming kasi alam mo sa networking ka magaling, di ba?" Woot! Although I told him a couple of times already that maybe Eckelz' work preferences is different from his and that he should just let Eckelz be, he still didn't stopped ranting. Harhar!

It's kinda like letting people be no matter how grrr it is for you if you are in that person's shoes. Buhay niya yon. We have to accept the fact that people has their own preferences. They take their own choices and make their own decisions. They are the one who are living their lives, not us, so why the hell bother waste whatever if it won't affect you in any way naman, right? Not unless of course if you know that it will do him harm, not just to your own insight but to others, too, then that's the only time that you should butt in. Yung mga tipong gusto niya tumalon ng building kinda stuff. Harhar! Korniness.. =P

You should just let people be and live according to their own preference. It's okay to give advices or opinions but don't insist on them doing or believing the same way you do or told them. Don't expect to share the same happiness with everyone. If someone finds fulfillment in bitching around, then let them be. If someone finds happiness in disrupting other people's peace, then let them be. If someone wants to believe in the total opposite of what you believe in, then let them be. It's okay to try to make them do as you would but keep in mind that the choice is still his or hers. Buhay niya yun. Unless alam mong magiging kargo yun sayo o sa utak mo, kung dun siya masaya, pakialam mo ba?

WOOOOOT! =P

Gudlak-Pamster Week @_@

Last week I thought this week would be just another petix week in the office, only with some meetings about the tasks for our team's big project which we have to make through while our team lead is on leave for three weeks and Vinny acting as dev team lead on her behalf. Woot! Heheh.

Anyhooness. Monday. AJ and I were texting until around 3:30 AM in the morning, as we always do while he is doing call boy's work and I doing online window shopping in multiply, nyahah. When I told him that I'm going to dream land already, that's when he told me that it is her mom's birthday and that I have to come to Fairview. Huwatdapak, mehn?!? Going there without worrying about my mom's wrath means I have to work Shift A, which is 7 AM to 4 PM. I know I can wake up easier when I stay up uber late than sleeping effin early but it needs some conditioning eklavoos. I should atleast get 3 hours sleep so I won't get migraine-like headaches while watching movies in the office, wooot! Heheh. So there, I slept at around 4 AM, woke up at around, okay, around quarter to 7, took a very quick shower, then left for work at around 7:30, got to the office just in time for shift B, 8 AM to 5 PM.

Since I was informed about going to AJ's mom's birthday party at the uber wee hour of the morning and since I have to be early for work so I can leave early, yeah boi, I didn't have a gift for his mom. Grrr. But then I had this evil plan. I would go out during lunch break and buy her a big jar of her uber loved cow's milk pastillas, and where's that? In Greenhills, mehn! Yeah boi! =P And then I remembered that I saw Sitsitrya has a website, that's where I discovered that Sitsitrya has a permanent stall in Tiendesittas. Whew! But since I have a scheduled meeting at 11-12, I had to eat lunch before that meeting. Then off to Tiendesittas 15 minutes before 12.

When I got there, I went straight to Sitsirya to buy that big jar of pastillas and then headed to Fashion Village. Nyahah! Oo! Nagshopping pa muna ako bago bumalik ng office! It's because I'm wearning my Happy People Gurango uniform, and I feel a little dugyot already since I walked a million miles from IPI to Tiendesittas, so I figured I need to buy something decent to wear to Perbyu later. I don't wanna look dugyot in front of AJ's relatives. Ayos lang sana kung sila mommy alfon, lola alfon and tita Marie lang yung andun, they always see me dugyot naman. Anyhoo. 20 minutes of roaming around Tiende, I bought this puffed sleeved kikay shirt for only 100 then walked a million miles again to IPI. I was back in the office at around 1:05, still able to catch GYC having lunch outside Cebu. Heheh.

I also had another meeting scheduled for yesterday afternoon. Kahit pala pumasok ako ng 7 hindi rin pala talaga ako makakaalis ng 4 kasi 3:30 to 4:30 pala yung meeting ko, akala ko 3 to 4. Anyhoo. After the meeting, while Vinny was stealing my toothpaste as part of his daily routine, sabi ko sa kanya sabay na ako. That's a few minutes after AJ reminded me about SONA. I can't take Jayross to Fairview dahil ang mga aktibista at mga raliyista ay kasalukuyan nga palang nagpipiket sa Commonwealth dahil sa SONA. So he said we should just meet in SM North and take SM Fairvew FX from there. Sloth attack again, I thought of taking the Cubao route to MRT para 1 ride na lang, and since Vinny will also take LRT 2 in Cubao, sasabay na ako. But less than 5 minutes before 5 PM, Vinny was summoned by Augsie to sign something for their "group" certification exam on Friday. And then he was like, "Pamster, sama ka na sa Friday!" backed up by Augsie. And then without a single second of thinking, I said, "Geh na nga, pwede pa ba mag reg?" WOOOT! So there... Instant SQL Certification Exam come this Friday, meaning having to review Test King for only 3 days. Nyahah. Is this CCNA Certification Exam part two? Harhar.

Grrr. It was so traffic. And when I got to Cubao station of MRT at around 6 already, the line to the ticket booth was so effin long. Grrr. I'm not used to this anymore. Heheh. I got to Trinoma at around 6:30. AJ said he's still in a far far away place so I decided to do, again, some shopping at Landmark. Nyahah. I was looking for a cheap pair of firetruck red pants and found one for only 279 pesos. Too bad, I wasn't able to buy it because AJ texted me already. We were in a hurry, kaya ayon, hindi ko na siya nabili. Babalikan ko na lang siya some other time. Harhar!

When we got to the Fx terminal, okay fine, loooooong queue again, so we walked a million miles to SM North's Fx terminal to find, again, a loooooooonger queue. There's also something uber funny happened. Harhar! Well, for me it is. Nyahah. While we were walking, AJ all of a sudden just stopped and asked two ubeeer kikay gurls, one in yellow skinnies and green razor back top and the other... Uhmmm.. I really can't remember, but I'm pretty sure she's also colorful, heheh. Usually, AJ is a little hesitant when we need to ask manong guards if we're in lost kiddos mode, but that time with those colorful kikays, aside from it was so so sudden, no signs of hesitation can be sensed. Nyahah. I know some gurls might react to it by getting uber angry or something like it, but I can't help but laugh. I know for the fact that it was a total normal guy instinct to do stuff like that, but not in front of their girlfriends! Harhar!

Anyhoo. Since Fx lines where so uber crowded, we decided to take a cab after we bought cake at Red Ribbon for her mom. We got to their house a few minutes past 8 already. It's kinda like eat and run, because after we ate, her mom was insisting that we need to go because she doesn't want me to be home late and AJ also has work at 10. Nyahah. We left their house at around 9:10. Hindi man lang kami nakapaglandian kahit ilang minuto lang. Nyahah. I was home at around 11.

Monday pa lang yan, guys. Habaness! Heheh.

Okay. Now Tuesday. Heheh. I am scheduled today for my Developer Evaluation meeting with big boss Sir Joey and Miss Eya. I know the meeting is at 11AM. I was not at all in a hurry when I woke up at around 7. I was in my bed, texting AJ, until around 8:30, when AJ stopped replying, the green light indicating he's asleep already and I have to get up from bed to take a bath. I was at our gate at 9:40, and as soon as I had my ass on the tricycle's back ride, I received a message from Miss Eya. "Aabot ka naman ng 10 para sa meeting d b?" I was like, "SIYET!!" Taxi mode! I arrived at the office at 9:56. Wheew! Nyahah.

So there, Dev Eval meeting with Sir Joey and Miss Eya. My heart was surprisingly not pumping like there's no tomorrow but instead it kinda like stopped beating. Harhar! The result of the eval was okay. I was given an above average mark, but I know it's still not as high as my other monstrous dev officemates like Timmy Tammy, Vinny, and Ralph. I know I'm ranked below them all. Heheh. But still, I'm so relieved that I had met most of their expectations, and even exceeded on some, as they claimed, heheh. My move out fund will definitely increase. Woohoo! Kahit gaano kaliit na increase man yun, woohoo pa rin! Harhar!

With my instant certification exam this Friday, I should be memorizing TestKing right now, but my brain's just too lazy for that right now, so instead, look at what I'm doing... Nobela blogging again. Nyahah. Good luck to me on Friday! Let's see if the landeeh plans AJ and I had for Friday afternoon after my exam can still push through. Nyahah.

Owkaeipaynwatebur! Woot!

Noticing that my Firefox's bookmark lists is getting way too effin looong, I decided to clean the list up a bit. To my surprise, I found a bookmark of someone's blog. I had stopped reading it ages ago when I finally decided that I'll let that person be and ignore all poop she poops. If you can't help people in their pitiful state, just pray for them kinda stuff. Woot!

Anyweiz. I read through that person's recent blog entries, just a few, heheh, only some of those in the home page of that person's blog, and surprisingly, I found entries that kinda made me chuckle. Woot!

The first chuckle-worthy thing I read there was when she gloriously claimed that I had stopped blogging because of her. Grrr stuff made me stop doing happy blogging, but is happy blogging all I ever blog about? Technically, what really made me stopped blogging AGAIN was combined SLOTH and a lot of movies currently shared in our office network. Couch potato mode even at the office, yeah boi! Harhar!

Second. Nyahah. I don't "snoop" around reading other people's stuff to get "inside scoops" or whatever. I had stopped reading even my uber loved officemates' and friends' blogs because of, again, SLOTH. And ever since she was removed from someone's friends' list and I didn't have any access to her PRIVATE friendster profile, I thought I also lost access to her blog that is why I never even dared trying to access it. Not until now that I discovered that blogs of users with private profiles can still be accessed. Nyahah. Okay fine, I admit on looking at their group's friendster account once in a while to "snoop" on new albums to find new pictures to laugh my head off about, but that happens only like once every two weeks, not as frequent as seeing that account's headshot on my "Who Viewed Me" list which I clean up every 4 days, AT MOST. Harhar!

Owkeipayn. I guess letting her be still didn't make her happy. Nyahahah. I don't know if it will make her feel better, which I totally doubt, but I would delete her blog on my bookmarks after posting this, heheh. Again, as I always say... You can't force people to understand or leave you alone, all you can do is let them be and just pray for them. Woot! =P

Stress Ball Mode

Ang aga-aga, isang malaking GRRR na kaagad. Nakakainis talaga. Wala pang 7:30 ng umaga, nakaupo lang naman ako sa kama, hawak ko yung fone ko na kasasaksak ko lang para i-charge, akalain mong nagawan pa iyon ng issue? "Ano ba yan? Puro na lang sa lalaki umiikot yan buhay mo. Magasawa na nga kayo! Kapag oras ng pagaayos para sa pagpasok mo sa trabaho 'wag mo na haluan ng panlalalaki mo. Mahirap humanap ng trabaho ngayon, tapos lagi kang late!" WTF? 7:30 pa lang ng umaga, anong oras ba ako umaalis ng bahay? 9:30. Sakto na yon para dumating ng saktong 10:00 sa office. Hayzz.

Pero kasi ganito ang pinaghugutan niyan eh. Kahapon kasi pumunta si AJ ng maaga sa bahay, may dalang pancakes galing sa Pancake House. Gabi pa lang kasi sabi na niya breakfast daw kami ng sabay, pero akala ko drawing lang yon, hindi pala. Katext ko pa siya bago ako bumangon nun sa kama, at wala talagang kahint-hint na bigla na lang siyang dadating dun sa bahay na may dalang pancakes. Dumating siya siguro mga bago mag-8 ng umaga.

Eto kasi yung normal morning routine ko. 6 pa lang tumutunog na yung alarm clock ng fone ko. Babangon ako kaagad pero actually lilipat lang ako ng kwarto sa 2nd floor, dun sa kwarto talaga namin. Kapag kasi nagpaabot pa ako sa kwarto sa baba ng mga 7 uuratin na ko ng nanay ko sa pagising sa akin. Pagkalipat ko sa 2nd floor matutulog ulit ako hanggang mga 8:30 tapos direcho ligo, bihis, pasok. Usually sa office na ko nagbre-breakfast kasi oatmeal lang tinatangap ng tiyan ko sa umaga tsaka wheat bread.

So ayon nga. Eh 'di sabay nga kami nagbreakfast dun sa bahay namin. Hindi naman ako masyadong worried sa time kasi nga ang aga-aga pa naman. Siyempre, alam ko naman ang oras ko 'di ba? So natapos kami magbreakfast mga 9, manonood din kasi siya ng laro ng Lakers at Celtics habang naliligo ako. Eh bago pa ako maligo tinignan ko muna yung opening chuvaness nung game. Sa akin, alam ko naman kasi na 20 minutes lang ako maligo so hindi pa rin ako worried sa time kahit na 9 na nun, tsaka usual p ngang start ng pagligo ko kapag wala si AJ mga 9:15 pa nga eh. So ayon nga, tinignan ko muna yung opening kalandian nung game, sakto biglang umakyat si Ma. Gulat na gulat siya dahil hindi pa ako nakakaligo. Nagalit pa siya sa akin, "Ano ba talaga masmahalaga sayo? Magasawa na nga kayo! Ang hirap hirap maghanap ng trabaho, ayus-ayusin mo nga buhay mo!" Woot! Eh kung tutuusin nga ang ang aga pa nun, 9 pa lang, eh yung normal nga na ligo ko 9:15 minsan nga 9:30 na. Hayzz lang. Nung umalis nga kami ni AJ ilang minutes earlier pa yun sa usual na alis ko kapag umaga. Ang aga pa nga namin dumating ng office eh, considering na tumayo pa kami ng matagal dun sa may tawiran sa Countryside dahil may pinagdiskusyunan pa kami. Aheheh.

Grr lang. Nakakainis. Parang naging obligasyon ko na kasi sa bahay na saluhin lahat ng init ng ulo ng nanay ko. Tuwing na lang kasi mainit ulo niya sa akin kaagad siya pumupunta at isesermon lahat ng pwede niyang isermon sa akin, ultimo mga dapat niyang isermon sa iba niyang anak sa akin pa rin minsan sinesermon. Hayzz. Ang hirap talaga ng hindi sumasagot sa nagsesermon na nanay kahit most of the time hindi na naman talaga tama yung sinasabi niya. Hayzz lang. Tapos samahan mo pa ng mga kapatid na minsan na nga lang makakasalo ng galit ni Ma magagalit pa sa akin na parang obligasyon ko talaga na saluhin yung mga galit na yun. Hayzz. Ang dami ko pa sanang gustong sabihin, naghihimutok na naman yung dibdib ko kaya lang sa dami nun baka bukas ko pa ito ma-post. Grr kasi talaga. Lalo ko na naman tuloy gustong lumipat ng office na may malaking sweldo para makapag-move out na ako. Hayzz. Hayzz lang talaga.

Inhale. Exhale. Hayzz.

If I keep holding my breath all of this would fade away. If you keep driving we'll be lying in a wreck.......
Signals Over The Air - Thursday

Sorry na, wala lang. Nabanggit ko lang naman yung linya na yan although hindi naman totally related yan sa post na to. Medyo lang. Harhar.

Hayzz. Konti na lang sana yung gagawin ko dun sa isang task ko pero nawala na naman ako sa mood magtrabaho, kaya eto, blog mode na naman.

Nakakalungkot lang isipin kasi na may mga bagay talaga na hindi pwedeng ipilit. Eto na naman ako, nasabi ko na nga ito sa isang post ko, pero ganun naman kasi talaga. Grrr. Grrr lang.

Ikaw na nga yung mageeffort, bukal naman sa loob mo, na magbigay ng buong buo pero nakakalungkot isipin na may mga ayaw pa ng ganun. Ang labo lang. Why would you settle for less if you can get more without effort sa panghihingi? Hayzz lang.

Pero naisip ko rin, siguro nga sobra na kasi yung binibigay ko. Oo na, nakalimutan ko kasi na masama nga rin pala ang sobra. Sorry na.

Pero kasi ganito lang naman yun. Hindi naman kasi ako umaasa na ibigay niya rin ng buo sa akin yung kaniya, pero hindi naman ako plastic para sabihin na wala akong ineexpect na kahit ano sa pagbibigay ko ng buo ng akin. Uber minimal lang naman yung ineexpect ko, simpleng appreciation lang naman or acknowledgment sa gusto kong ibigay. Kaya lang bukod sa hindi na nga tinanggap, pinagalitan pa ako.

Hayzz. Dahil hindi ako makatiis na hindi magbigay ng details, eto na.

Ganito kasi yun, I was giving AJ full visibilty sa lahat ng mga ginagawa ko lalo na sa things involving *****, si upismeyt na nasa post ko nung isang araw. Naisip ko kasi, wala namang issue sa mga kulitan namin ni *****, sa mga harutan namin, lambingan naming pang mag-utol, tsaka, oo na, sa pangungurot ko ng utong niya na ginagawa ko rin naman sa ibang ka-close kong lalaking GYC dito sa upis, tsaka lahat lahat pa ng mga ginagawa namin ni *****. Iniisip ko kasi na sabihin sa kanya lahat dahil ayaw ko ng may kahit anong hindi sinasabi sa kanya. I was after 100% openness and honesty sa kanya. Pero isang malaking GRRR. Dahil nae-emo siya, oo na, mali na nga yung ganun.

At dahil nga alam ko ng mali, nakaisip ako ng solusyon. Naisip ko, para mamaintain pa rin ang transparency ko sa kaniya sa lahat ng ginagawa ko, at dahil din mabigat sa utak ko na may something na alam kong dapat alam niya pero hindi ko dapat sabihin sa kadahilanang mae-emo siya, para wala na lang mga bagay na hindi sasabihin, kahit na ba sa rason na ang bagay na yun ay "BETTER LEFT UNSAID" naisip kong hindi ko na lang gagawin yung mga bagay na yun. Oo, iiwas na ako sa mga harutan at kulitan sa kuya ko. Para wala na rin kasi siyang ipage-emo pa, pero 100% open pa rin ako. Hayzz.

Adjust. Adjust. Ako na nga yung willing sa malaking paga-adjust pero ako na naman yung mali. Ang hirap naman, ang bigat na naman ng utak ko. Hindi ko kasi maintindihan kung bakit hindi na nga niya tinanggap yung offer ko nagalit pa siya sa akin. Sabi pa niya mas-ok na naman daw kasi yung hindi na lang sabihin sa isa't-isa yung mga bagay na ikae-emo ng isa. Asan ang honesty dun? Napagiisip na naman tuloy ako ng negative, na baka natatakot siya na kapag naging ganun ako sa kaniya magexpect ako na maging ganun din siya kaopen at natakot siya dahil marami pala siyang mga things na "better left unsaid." Hayzz. Pessimist mode. Balik na naman sa trust issues.

Hayzz. Ang labo lang talaga. Nalalabuan ako. Hindi ko talaga maintindihan. Hihinga na lang ako ng malalim. HAAAAAYYYYYZZZZ.

Unconvincing Truth?

You can't force people to believe the truth, most especially if they just don't wanna believe it. Hayzz. Ganun talaga eh, wala naman talaga tayong magagawa sa mga sariling utak ng mga tao sa paligid natin kung hindi intindihin na lang sila, meron lang talagang mga taong sarado at matigas ang makikitid na utak. Pero hindi rin naman lahat sa kanila nakakainis, yung iba lang. Yung iba naman kasi, may rason naman at tamang pinaghuhugutan kaya mahirap mapaniwala sa katotohanan.

Example ng hindi nakakainis, eto. Hindi ko na lang sasabihin yung pangalan nung isa kasi baka kahit wala namang dapat ikapraning yung girl friend nya, mapraning pa rin. Heheh. Nung isang gabi, sa tapat ng office namin, habang hinihintay namin ni ***** yung mga ibang kasama namin uuwi nakita kami nila Miss Kat at Sir Mike habang nasa parking lot sila at hinihintay lumabas ang ibang seniors. Tulad ng dati, inasar na namin kami ni Miss Kat. Heheh. May date na naman daw kami ni *****, tapos nung sinabi naming wala ang sagot ni Miss Kat sa amin, "Kaya kayo naiissue eh, lagi kayong magkasama." Heheh. Isa si Miss Kat sa mga love kong seniors sa office namin, tanggap ko yung mga biro niyang ganun sa amin ni *****. Heheh. Hindi naman ako nainis o kung ano pa man dahil dun sa nangyari na yun sa parking lot, sanay na rin naman ako, pero naisip ko lang, hindi talaga lahat ng bagay madaling ipapaniwala sa ibang tao.

Alam naming pareho ni ***** na wala naman talagang dapat i-issue sa aming dalawa. Sa totoo lang, sanay na rin naman talaga kami na iniisip ng mga ibang tao sa office na merong something sa aming dalawa. Oo, meron nga, pero hindi tulad ng iniisip nila. Meron kaming magandang relasyon bilang magkuya. Mahirap paniwalaan para sa iba na ang isang babae at lalaki na super close sa isa't isa ay walang romantic something, pero wala naman talaga yung sa amin. Nakakatuwa pa nga isipin, na kahit kadalasan ang bonding naming dalawa ay labasan ng emoness tungkol sa kanya-kanya naming karelasyon, recently lang eh gumaganda na yung takbo ng kanya-kanya naming relationships. Pareho na rin kami ng lagay ngayon at ng favorite line, "eh, mahal ko, eh." Hahahah. Sabi nga niya recently lang habang nagkekwentuhan kami tungkol sa problema ko, "magkuya nga tayo." Hahahah.

Actually, hindi ko naman talaga ako nagpost ng ganito ngayon para mag-clear out ng mga issue tungkol sa amin. Naisip ko lang na magandang example kasi iyon para dun sa naisip kong topic para sa post na ito na katotohanang mahirap ipilit sa iba na paniwalaan. Tsaka hindi lang din naman kasi ung incident sa parking lot last Friday yung nagtrigger sa akin na magsulat ngayon ng tungkol sa pagpapaniwala sa mga tao ng katotohanan. Meron pa.

Nung mga nakaraang araw kasi meron isang tao na may isang bagay na pinagpipilitan. Paulit-ulit niya sinasabi ang isang bagay. Nakakatawa dahil ang layo naman sa katotohanan ng mga sinasabi niya tungkol sa akin, at produkto lang ng pag-aassume niyang ewan pero kung makapagsalita siya parang alam na alam niya, pero hindi naman talaga. Ayaw ko na rin mageffort na sabihin pa sa kaniya na mali yung sinasabi niyang yung tungkol sa akin, mukang wala namang pagasang maniwala yun at baka kung ano na namang maisip niyang panggugulo. Hayzz. Ayaw ko na lang magbigay ng iba pang details. Heheh. Ang mahalaga, alam ko at nung isa pang taong involve na hindi naman talaga tama yung sinasabi nung taong yun, bahala na siya basta kami masaya na kami ulit. Heheh.

Thursday Update

Oh well. As expected. Thursday plans where all a drawing. Confirmation came a few minutes after I had posted the previous blog entry. Harhar. AJ said he was given a new schedule for Friday and his shift is now 8PM of Friday until 5AM of Saturday. He said it was both bad and good news. He said, bad because we won't be seeing Thursday on Friday, but good because it means we'll be going to Cam Sur to watch them. Sounds convincing, huh? But actually, that's just bad and worst news. Heheh.

Going to Cam Sur is, like, only a 90/10 chance in favor of the neg. How the hell would we convince my mom to let us come to Cam Sur in such short notice? And knowing that the easier way to see Thursday live, which is to attend the Makati leg of their tour, is confirmed impossible, that's a big, big GRRR.

I wish AJ never told me about Thursday going to Manila. I think there's no way for me to know about it, anyway. Harhar. It would be a little less mournful for me to know that they came and I wasn't able to see them because I learned about it late and there were really no means for me to go, than know in advance that they're coming and I wasn't able to catch them. Huhuhuh. Anyhoo. I think not expecting too much helped, too, heheh, just like in any other things. Harhar. But still GRRR. I really wanted to see them. Harhar.

Open Letter to Them All

I just hope this would be the last that there would be for this chapter of all of our lives.

To Her

You know, I really pity you for having to live a life like that. You try so hard not to let people know how your life is really full of bitterness by exerting too much effort on making people think that you’re too confident and too strong. By overdoing it, hindi mo alam masnahahalata tuloy na puno talaga ng bitterness yung buhay mo at pinipilit mo lang takpan. So sad. Naaawa ako sayo dahil nagsesettle ka na sa ganyang klaseng buhay. You’re still young. You can still learn how to take life simply and without fear of being hurt again, or whatever bad things that have happened to you in the past that might have scarred you. Or maybe you fear that people might think you are weak. Being weak some times is only human. Breathe, girl. You don’t wanna die without feeling the real essence of living. You may be enjoying life now with how you’re currently living it, but think. At the end of the day, is there anything or someone left with you? You don’t wanna be alone, do you?

To Him

You know I was hurt. The lies and all, I was really hurt. But admitting your mistakes means a lot to me. I know it took a lot from you to confess everything, especially that ultimate mistake that you did. Alam ko ang daming nagsasabi na sana hindi mo na lang inamin para wala ng gulo, but you still chose to tell me the truth. I give you credit for your courage and for that I knew you still care for the relationship. I knew what I had to do is to forgive, and that’s what I did despite being so much hurt, because my love for you is enough to make me believe that there is still hope in fixing everything. I just wish you really are sincere when you said you are really sorry for all the mistakes that you had and when you promise, too, that you will never make me feel this pain ever again. I don’t wanna be disappointed and so depressed like this again in the future, that is why I will not expect anymore from you. Just do what you have to do. You know how difficult it is for me to give you another chance. I wish you will treasure it this time.

To My Friends

A thousand thank you’s to all of you who stood by me for the past few days that I was struggling to keep my self together. I know it would be difficult for most of you to understand why I decided to give him another chance. I would like to borrow Vinny’s line for this. “Mahal ko kasi, eh.” Sorry na, guys. I know in time you’ll see that my decision was right, but if not… Papayag naman ako magpabatok, magpasampal, lahat na… I love you guys. Thanks again.

To His So-called “Friends” At the Office

Honestly, I really don’t like most of your ways and stuff. Most especially, dahil hinahayaan niyo lang na gumawa ng maling desisyon yung mga tinatawag niyong kaibigan. When you get to play, know who are the people na isasali niyo. Tsaka, alam niyong may girlfriend yung tao, hinahayaan niyo lang, alam niyo na ngang mali na yung mga nagiging desisyon. Or baka naman mga self-proclaimed bad influences na kayo kaya ganun. I know everything is still a choice of an individual, but if you want to ruin your lives, don’t influence others to do the same. I want you to know that this is the impression that you had given me, just prove me wrong if I am. And I certainly hope you will.

Thanks to You, I Really Am A Green-Eyed Monster

I just can't believe that effin maid talks as if the trust issues AJ and I are having has nothing to do with her. Grrr. And she even had the guts to say she's sick of my child play? WTF? So I'm the one who's bugging her? I know I may be labeled cold hearted or whatever, but I'm not afraid of losing AJ AGAIN, as opposed to what she says is the reason why I am putting up with her. Grrr. And I'm not saying this just because I'm enraged again, but I really do, because I know I don't have to be a slut just to be with someone. And I really pity AJ for having to lose me again just because of someone who says she's just over confident when what she really is is a slutty bitch whose existence will never be noticed if she didn't act like one. Grrr.

The Effin Bisayang Maid Who Has a "Fuck Me, PLEASE, I Beg You" Placard

I was supposed to have lunch out of the office today with AJ as originally planned days ago, but something grrr came up and now it won’t happen. Actually, I was expecting it to still push through although I’m not talking to AJ since yesterday because of that grrr thing because I thought AJ would think that it might be a good way to make up for what he did that made me really angry again. I texted him earlier to ask if we will still have lunch today, because if not, I would cancel the food I had ordered and I only got until around 10:30 to do so. That was around 10:10 when I texted him, he replied at 10:26 saying he wasn’t expecting it to still push through that’s why he woke up later than he should if he would still come. Grrr. Totally disappointing. It just made me doesn’t wanna text him even more.

About that grrr thing, that effin slut who totally looks like a bisayang maid who he flirts with in the office got into my nerves again yesterday. What made my blood boil is the fact that a few nights ago, AJ said he has stopped talking to her already and, the juiciest part, he said he is not keeping any more secrets from me no matter how small they are, yet the alibi he used on me yesterday was telling me he thought that that small info about the effin maid slut sending him a picture of a man’s abs following a message, “as promised.. :P” is better kept secret. No more secrets, huh?

But, anyhoo, being enraged again by the effin maid who has a “fuck me, PLEASE, I beg you” placard gave me my much awaited, long overdue, idea for a new Corel project. You can check it out at the link below but I would be improving it hopefully later today and upload it at my real deviantart account, but I think by the time you had read this, it might be updated already is posted where it should be.

Dead Effin Bisayang Maid Slut

Main DeviantArt Account

Blogspot. Evil Plan. Birthday. Effin Biatch!

Three weeks’ worth of blogging all packed in just one post. Harhar.

Bye, Bye, Blogspot

Blogspot is now blocked AGAIN in the office. Well, we can read entries but you can’t sign in to post a new one. Grrr. There were some issues about our seniors’ blogging which led to blocking the site again for posting. So, yeah, I’m back at blogging at blogs.rakista.com/parapampam and copy-pasting entries to my friendster and Blogspot accounts when the miracle of patience in waiting happens to me when I’m at home. Grrr. I never really felt how slow my laptop is until my office PC got upgraded and got blessed with a Quad Core processor. I’m the only Junior Developer in the office with a Quad Core machine, so keewwl.

From Tagaytay Evil Plan to AJ’s Very First EK Experience

Since Monday last week, Ykai, Ceejhay and I were joyously planning for the long overdue “evil plan” that we thought of pulling off at last week’s Thursday, which is a holiday. In our minds, we all thought, “this is it!” but then, on the night before the plans execution, BOOM! Problems came up and then, yeah, you might have guessed it already. Evil planned postponed again indefinitely. Then I told AJ that we should just visit Enchanted Kingdom instead. I was just kidding, but AJ became so enthusiastic about what I said because he said he’s never been there so, I thought, what the heck? It’s been so long since I last went there and I want to go there again. Harhar. We took the shuttle in Ayala to Enchanted, which is already included in the Pasyal Pinoy Package worth 765Php, which includes roundtrip shuttle passes from Ayala to EK and back, plus the EK Day Pass. Damn, I wanna go karting and ATV-ing again. Harhar. The weather was so, so great. Not sunny, yet it’s not raining, just right. Harhar. What a great pre-birthday celebration for me, heheh. Although the fireworks were really lame, or maybe I'm just used to seeing that kind of fireworks display every now and then at our house's rooftop, and the 2-hour, or more, of fireworks display every New Year's Eve.

I’m 21, Yehey!

Yup, I’m now at the more legal age than 18, and yeah, I’m still my mom’s baby. Grrr. Nothing’s changed since grade school, I’m still not allowed to drink, and still not allowed to be out late, still not allowed to go to gigs and finish it, GRRRR! Well, I guess moving out will still, and always be, my only SALVATION. Anyways, ugly thoughts behind, my birthday was great. Being also the anniversary of Paw’s breadknife incident, it is also the anniversary of my first date with AJ. Woot! Harhar. So I asked permission in the office to work half day on my birthday, having used that family affair excuse, I got to watch Iron Man with AJ in the morning. He has work at 3PM and I, too, at 2PM, that is why we watched the earliest show time. Harhar. I bought 3 1.3 liters of different flavored ice creams at the office, because I can’t escape tradition. Aheheh. GYC gave me a really cute bean-stuffed black-eyed dog from It’s Cool and a bendable doll which, they say, looks like me. Harhar.

The Three Weeks’ Highlight

My patience was put to test starting on the first of these three weeks, when I saw something that really got me holding myself back from smashing whatever’s smashable. Grrr. I really hate effin bitches that would do anything it takes just to get someone to fuck them. I don’t wanna elaborate on this much because I’m currently struggling to keep myself from being enraged again. Just the thought of that bitch makes me wanna hit something. Grr. I wish I could put into writing all the thoughts running in my head right now about that bitch and how she caused trust issues I now had with AJ. Grrr. Just grrr.

1 Down, 3 To Go

SATURDAY

One outing down, 3 to go. Harhar. I almost removed that outing with Pampers from the outing queue without even going there. My mom didn't give me permission until the morning of the outing, and was really angry at me on the night before. Then she came up with an agreement that I can join the outing but not overnight, leave at around 9PM and that I should come with them to Tagaytay the following day. OKAY. Makakapalag ba naman ako kay bossing? Hayzz.

Loreland was okay, as opposed to what I originally thought. I thought Loreland is a resort with all the colorful rocks I really, really effin hate. Those rocks or other thingies made from cement, like log-looking tables and benches colored in pink, yellow, blue, and other unearthly colors. I just hate those. The crowd was also a little less than I expected. Although pool water is a little hazy, Loreland is generally okay. And by the way, it was not in Taytay, it was in Antipolo. Stupid me. Harhar.

Entrance is reasonable at 160Php, but not for me and AJ. Grrr. If you’ll only stay there from our arrival time of 6PM to my promised 9PM, plus the 120Php share each for that effin 800+Php hut, plus my food share which is 66Php for 2 kilos of rice. So that’s about a hundred bucks per hour.

SUNDAY

Finally, my mom was able to drag me to her recently acquired abode. I know newly acquired properties are to brag for especially if it’s a new house but I don’t know why my mom is, like, overdoing excitement. Harhar. That house was nice. I like the small pool with that mosaic sun in the middle and the Jacuzzi, but they still need to be fixed and is still unusable. The place was so breezy, but the sun is still scourging, although not as scourging as the Manila sun. But if we didn’t went to ukay-ukay after we had lunch after our early morning mass, I would have anything to do there. For my whole stay there, I was just washing clothes Patt and I bought from the ukay-ukay. If not, I would have grown roots and my eyes had turned all white. And speaking of ukay-ukay, I scored a really nice Puma jacket. So so so so keeewwwl! That’s the only thing I loved yesterday. Harhar.

Wasted Earliness, Grrr

All my efforts on waking up early to be in the office for the 7AM shift just so I can be out at 4PM were all put to waste. I shouldn't have exerted effort. I should have trusted my instinct that this is what will happen. It is already 4:48 PM and I’m still at the office waiting for AJ who is still in a bus from Intramuros. And on his last update, he is still in Sta. Mesa. Hayzz. I just hope he gets here before 6 PM or else I’ll be really upset already, I won’t feel like talking to him again for a few minutes. I know it’s PARTIALLY not his fault because Ms. Carreon checked their thesis really late, but he could have just rode the LRT 2 to Cubao and then jeep from there rather than taking a bus from Intramuros to IPI in heavy traffic. He could have been here already. Grr.

Summer = Wallet Dehydration: I Need MONEEEY!

April's here and everybody knows what it means. It's effin summer already. The hot sun is so scourging and walking from Monarch to Topy's is like a 3-minute trip to hell everyday. So, what more for my 20-minute tricycle-please-please-come moments in front of our gate at the very beginning of the day every single weekday? Grrrr. Nasa tapat pa lang ako ng bahay dugyot na ako kaagad, shitfuck.

And adding to that shit load of effin grrness, SUMMER=SWIMMING! Four different outings are scheduled for me this April to May. Grrrr.. I effin need lots and lots of money.

First in the queue is the Pampers get together swimming in Taytay. On the last update I was told, it will be on April 12 somewhere in Taytay. Patty said we just need to prepare 150 pesos for the entrance and then more money for food. Cheap entrance on a summer Saturday in Taytay, God knows how many people will be peeing with you in the pool. Harhar. =)

Second on the queue, PUERTO GALERA on the first week of May with James, Brent, and...... I don't know who else, yet. Hahah.. They were talking about this package that would make our wallets bleed more or less, I guess, around 7,000 pesos all-in-all. That much because we were so so many, harhar. =) And because of it, I thought of a plan.

The supposed last outing queued for me this summer is the evil plan Ren and Ykai plotted for the GYC couples. And by GYC couples, that only include Ren-Ykai, Vinny-Angel, Pam-AJ and the official-yet-technically-not-yet-couple Ceejhay-Ivan. There was supposed to be an outing on the third weekend of May but for so many reasons, primarily financial issues, harhar, it was cancelled. Then now Ykai and Ren had plans on going to Galera with Ren’s friends and was asking me and Vinny to come with them, but Vinny now has plans on going to Baguio with Angel, and I and AJ are also going to Galera with James and Brent; again, financial issues. Harhar. Then I thought of just merging Ren and Ykai’s Galera escape with James and Brent’s. Besides, it will be favorable to both parties, well, in my opinion, because going to Galera in a big group means less wallet bleeding for each and every one of us. So I told Ren about my plans, we discussed it already with his friend and now all that’s left to do is wait for James and Brent’s reply. Harhar.

Back to the outing queue, next in line is the Gurango company outing. Thanks to this heaven sent event, another outing in the queue was dissolved. GYC was also planning for our next outing, and because of the Gurango company outing, it was called off. So that’s a really big relief for my bleeding wallet. I heard the company outing would be held this June, but it’s still ok. Harhar.

According to my computations, I would only have around 3K per month to spend on these outing eklavus. And that 3K can only be acquired by intense self-control over shopping! Grrrr! If only I’m not paying 4K a month for my new Canon Ixus 950i I could still shop and swim without worries of wallet dehydration. Grr. I want that big bag from Puma, and it’s 1.7K, or that big bag from Nike, which is 1.3K, or that super pretty big white Sisley on Segue which is 2.5K. I also want that cool everyday backpack from Rip Curl which is 1.89K, and that uber pretty red and black wallet with metal Rip Curl logo, which is for 1K. And also that long overdue white and gray Ipanema slippers for 800. Grr! I NEED MONEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!