Are You Happy On A Shooting Star?

After exactly a year, two months and two days of not seeing one, as I regularly had for about 3 years in the past, today I saw a shooting star. Although I missed it badly in the past year, I never really put too much effort on seeing one, not until last March, when significant discussions and an unexpected event made me realize that I should do something about my longing for shooting stars.

A few months prior to that realization I had last March, I was scared of looking up to the night sky with the thought of seeing a shooting star. I thought it was so hopeless so I didn’t try that hard for fear of being dismayed. For three months now, I was able to shake off that fear. Every now and then, I look up to the sky at night waiting for one. Effort. Effort. I know I wouldn’t see one without any effort. So, in every moment that I had a chance, I would gaze up and wait for those now so rare seconds of it. So rare, for three months I didn’t see one.

But with all the efforts of waiting, something very sudden happened. It was totally unexpected; I was caught off guard. Someone saw what I had been waiting for in so long and bragged it in my face. I got crushed. Why to that person, and why not to me? It almost killed shooting star dreams, but I thought, I was the one who deserved it more than any one, I should get a hold of mine, so I continued waiting.

Earlier today, finally after more than a year, I saw again a shooting star. But what a big, big GRRR. The moment was far from remarkable. I didn’t enjoy it. Maybe it was because I was not in the right place at the right time, but still I think it’s not just the place and time. I have this feeling that I didn’t do my part well. It’s there. Silver dust striding to the jet black sky, yet being so overwhelmed by the fact that I haven’t seen it for more than a year spoiled it all, thus, making it so less gratifying. Grrr. Just grrr. I’ll just wait for the next shooting star. This time, I hope, I’ll be less overwhelmed and less tensed and bother by the thought that I might not enjoy it again.

So cheesy, huh? Effin sick metaphors. Damn. I totally suck at it, big time.